September 17 2012

The last thing I ever wanted to do was be responsible for something I never intended to be responsible for.

I’m the type who doesn’t really care about what others think, what others say. duh. That’s why I’m like this. I’m a big, fat, 19 year-old with no direction in life. But that last thing I ever want to happen is drag others down because of something I’ve done, something I’ve been. Because of what? My sloth? My apathy? I feel so guilty. I don’t really care too much, whatever happens to me. But, if others are going to pay for what I’ve done or have been. Well, fuck. I guess I’d have to change my ways then!

Why the fuck am I thinking about this? Well, it’s because of my roommate. He told me about when he passed his journal for a subject, and he got reprimanded for passing so late. He looked up to the professor of that course. Hell, he was our favorite professor! And he told me, he felt like his father was the one reprimanding him, in front of everybody else in class. He made a lame excuse for being late, that he spilled sauce on his journal and had to rewrite the whole thing again. Though, it was partly true. But it gave him time to actually rewrite the whole thing. SO. yeah, you know where I’m getting. Anyway, sir told him that this perfectionist attitude of his will never get him anywhere and that he had to change that. Whatever happened to him? Sir said he wasn’t like that before, in his other class. And sir was pretty darn upset, that’s for sure. My roommate wouldn’t have been so shocked. But anyway… Apart from this, I knew from my other friend that he was the best student in class. I even asked if wasn’t this other achiever the one? She said, no, it’s him.

Alright then, so what’s my point? DANG. I practically don’t care about my grades. Well, not as much as my roommate does. And the three of us with our other roommate actually planned to get a house, planned to be good students, planned to pull our grades up, planned to help each other pull ourselves up. And this happens.

AWW. I just want to apologize to my roommate. I’m fucking contributing to his being dragged down as a student. I should help him get up. Especially when he just got back from being AWOL. I’m so sorry, roommate. For being such a bad influence. I’ll try to fucking change if that should help.

Well, yeah. I feel like this ate. But, hell. FUCK! I’m such a bad ate. I don’t wanna be bad to the point that it hurts others. T_T No.

Goodness. Loom over me. Please.


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