Do you ever have that feeling that you don’t belong in this world? Well, I do, sometimes. And so I question my existence.
Admittedly, my life has been a bit a routine. But the thing is, even if I step out of it, that seems to be becoming a routine as well. I’ve been reading a lot of books lately. I’ve been often told not to dwell on the books I read. Well, I often get a lot of hangovers, that’s for sure. But, it’s given me something to think about [again].
About life. My life. Well, my real question actually is: what would really make me happy?
Right now, that’s the hardest question I have to face. It’s just that I think that my end goal is my real happiness. And since I don’t know my happiness, I don’t know what to do… with my life. I feel like I’m wasting my time or something.
Is that too pessimistic? Am I too young to think about this? Is it actually worth thinking about? I don’t know.
It’s like I’m beginning to feel like that author in Inkheart. Like he belongs to that world made by himself. Though, I haven’t really made a concrete world of my own yet.
Am I too surrounded by the truth? Ugly truths? Maybe that’s why people like to make up things for themselves. Maybe that’s why people like to daydream, people like to make fugly movies, tv shows, those that actually make people stupid. Maybe that’s why people make up religion. Because people like to believe in something. Believe in something to actually push them to do stuff.
I have long decided that the current society is not fit for me, or rather, i am not fit for this society. And it’s freaking giving me a lot of things to think. Ugh.
I just hope that I come to a decision that I will be contented with. Soon.